Psychoanalysis

Sometimes I feel like I'm striving to become something that I am not. As in:
What I am: an upper-middle achiever, with a splash of mediocrity somewhere
What I am deluding myself about: that I am more than that
Result: I keep having to do things that I don't really want to do

In which case, I should just plant my feet solidly on the ground and look for a 9-5 after graduation. Or I could even do something I like, such as things to do with books (as in fiction) or craft (as in the craft in art-and-craft).

But some other times, I'll think that that's not true. As in:
What I am: an above-average achiever, capable of greater glory *snicker*, with a timid streak somewhere, but really wanting to make it big somewhere.
So: to give up is just to take the easy way out, which everyone can do BUT to knuckle down and fight for my glory should be the way to go, which is not what everyone can do.

In which case I should ra-ra and become a warrior. Doesn't that sound really romantic.

What I need is affirmation (doesn't anyone?). As in from people who really know me and understand what I am talking and thinking about. I need to know that I am not deluding myself on this. I also wish that someone could hold my hand and do this with me. But this is asking the impossible, as far as I can envision. So it's up to me.

Fight to the end!

PS: haha, this sounds like quarter-life crisis to me.